The sun may be shining and my wife may be wearing shorts (when isn't she?), but it's still winter in the Midwest. Clive Barker describes this ugly month as a great grey beast in The Thief of Always, and I've never heard a more apt description.
Billie and Binx agree.
Last night, after I finished whining about a persistent, yellow-glowstar-snot cold that I've been trying haplessly to overcome, Kelsey observed that this is the time of year in which there's nothing to look forward to. The good holidays are in the rear-view mirror, our work schedules have come unsynchronized, and the cheery colors of spring look so far away.
In the past, I've had a lot of trouble with this part of winter, and I either overcompensate for my misery or let the great grey beast swallow me like it did Harvey Swick. My timehop app informs me that last year, I was in full overcompensation mode. Around this time, I published Necessaries and was taking it to workshops and a book signing and had started a GoFundMe to raise money for a booth at Pride. On top of that, Kelsey and I were planning our wedding. The future was radiant.
As for this year? There are definitely some beacons of hope on our calendar, including a much-anticipated wedding for some good friends of ours. Heck, as I've been drafting this post, I received an email notifying me that my bridesmaid (bridesmatron?) dress is ready for pick-up, and I'm pretty jazzed about that. I also have some painting commissions that will be fun to complete. Check out this one, the first I'd done in about a year:
It was a Christmas gift for the aforementioned betrothed, actually. They have such marvelous furbabies.
But the weight of the winter is still pressing down on this household. I've been more stressed and anxious than usual, fretting over bills and deadlines and a financial planning course that often makes me feel like an ignoramus. On top of that, there's the whole thing with our president ushering in the apocalypse and whatever. I worry about not doing enough, not saying enough, but when I see the horrors unfold, my heartrate spikes and I have to take a timeout to re-collar my rampant anxiety.
Historically, I've used writing to calm my nerves, and I've been doing that non-stop in any free moment since last summer, but in a very strange way. After publishing Necessaries, I got a bit anxious about the future of my writing. I have one project that I really love that isn't working the way I want it to, and another that I've thoroughly plotted but haven't made much creative headway with. I decided to set those projects gently to the side and write something completely different to get back in the groove. Something to experiment with some character-types I'll be using in another story. Something low-pressure, high-reward. Something quite ridiculous.
It was supposed to be small. It is now about the length of Necessaries.
I accidentally wrote a free three-part novel under a pseudonym that, for reasons you'll quickly understand, can never be published. And, since it's out there, I thought I may as well share it with you, in case it helps you to withstand February as it's done for me.
But I'm neurotic and self-conscious, so if you want to know why I'm being a secretive weirdo about this side-project that has devoured my creative resources for half a year, you'll have to search for the answer yourself. I've hidden an Easter egg on my website. Well, I didn't do a great job of hiding it, but it's here somewhere. It will take you to my accidental novel.
Why did I do this? I don't know. I think I needed something that didn't have the same weight riding on it as my usual writing does (not that there's actually that much pressure there). I got addicted to getting feedback for this story, and I think that's why I've let it turn Audrey II on me. So many people are enjoying this story, and if I can bring a little sunshine to their lives during these batty times, that's worth something!
Anyway, my real books haven't been neglected, and I'm coming up with a schedule for myself in which I can balance my various projects, hobbies, and studies. Whatever I do, I want it to make people happy, and make me happy, too.
Take that, February.