This photo of me dressed (at my insistence) as the Mouse King and wielding a rolled-up paper sword because I was forbidden from having actual toy weapons still accurately describes how stressed-out the holidays make me.
The wedding happened. It was a thing. I am a married woman. I'm a married woman who went on a honeymoon to Williamsburg, VA with her wife. Ain't that something? Maybe I'll actually write about that someday.
#Fresh2Death on the James River
I expected to feel different, but honestly, nothing has changed. Which is a good thing! Kelsey and I are very happy! The biggest differences have been the tripling of my health insurance premiums and the fact that I can introduce Kelsey to people as my wife now. Not that I've had much opportunity for that. And also not that I've felt socially comfortable enough to do that in every circumstance.
Consider this situation: I met up Kelsey at Panera Bread, where she works, so we could grab a discounted bite to eat and then run some errands together. While we were sitting at a table, debating what to get, one of her coworkers approached and started chatting her up. Then the coworker noticed me.
"This your friend?" she asked.
"This is my wife, Abi," Kelsey replied.
We could see the gears clinking and grinding in her head. "You're girls. Boys marry girls and girls marry boys."
"Or whoever," Kelsey said, the edge of irritation in her voice apparently lost on the woman.
The conversation then progressed fairly normally, which is lucky. The coworker was friendly, and I think maybe a bit lower-functioning, and probably hadn't had much exposure to actual gay people. Maybe the encounter has broadened something for her. Or maybe she thinks we were joking. Whatever the case, I don't think she intended any animosity or judgment.
But that conversation could have gone so differently. I think of the night Kelsey proposed to me, and the man who went out of his way to tell us, "THAT AIN'T RIGHT" as we enjoyed a romantic carriage ride. I think of the times when I debate on how to bring up Kelsey to strangers. Like when I had an electrician come to check out some funky wiring, and I was trying to describe something Kelsey had experienced to him. If I were a guy, it would be easy for me to just say, "My girlfriend heard a pop, and the light went out." But as a girl, talking to a stranger, am I jeopardizing my repairs by admitting I'm in a lesbian relationship? Am I jeopardizing my own safety?
Most of the time, no. Most, but not all. One poisoned piece of candy in a bowl of safe candy.
Wowzers. We have veered offtrack here. Do you see what the holidays do to me? In case you doubt my neuroticism, here are some sources of recent stress:
- The aforementioned tripling of my premiums.
- Within a week of coming home from Virginia, both puppies became sick. And while a rational person might have waited the illness out, we made the mistake of doing online research and convincing ourselves Billie and Binx were on their deathbeds. $300 and a few ground turkey and rice meals later, and they're suddenly the picture of health.
- I have about 90 million thank you notes to write, which is a wonderful problem to have, but I'm worried that my pencil-taped-to-a-squirrel's-tail handwriting will make people doubt my sincerity.
- I'm starting a program to get my Certified Financial Planner designation, despite having 0 collegiate financial background and a deep fear that I'm intellectually inadequate and am wasting oodles of time and money.
- I might be making a website for a small business owner?
- Because my wallet is suffering a $300 vet bill deficit and I have 0 time, many Christmas gifts will be homemade, but with desperate swiftness. I'm already realizing I've bitten off more than I can chew.
- I'm increasingly concerned about the league of cartoon supervillains that our president elect is inviting into our government, and am barely able to stop myself from brawling with every well-meaning but oblivious friend on Facebook about it.
- Roomie Cade woke up to discover our cat, Jasper, chasing an actual, non-cartoon mouse through her room the other day. Cade threw a box at it for a while, but that approach failed for some reason. Jasper politely followed her prey around for a while, but wasn't cat enough to exterminate it. The mouse ran over Kelsey's foot, which was an exciting start to her day, and she cornered it in the linen closet. But the thing Houdinied it out of there and into another closet, where I tried to do the humane thing and trap it in a box to throw into the freezing cold so it could die slowly and alone, as nature intended. But I missed and crushed the mouse with the side of the box, traumatizing everyone in the room except for Jasper, who had completely forgotten about it and was blissfully taking a dump. Also Aphrodite/Tad Cooper the bearded dragon, because (s)he has little to no regard for the lives of others. We then chucked the corpse into the trees and sang: "We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when..."
Whoa. What did I tell ya? Absolutely scatterbrained. 'Tis the season!
The list could go on, but I can see it spiraling out of control. The holidays are great, but I need a holiday from the holidays! It's time to find some stress-relief activities and try to enjoy the snow while it lasts. May your days be cheery, bright, and painless as we close out 2016! I'm rooting for you!